Women !

For me there are only two type of women: goddesses and doormats.
-- Pablo Picasso
All women are good - good for nothing, or good for something.
-- Miguel De Cervantes
Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of their best friend.
-- Marcel Achard
Women: Can't live with them, can't bury them in the back yard without the neighbours seeing.
-- Sean Williamson
A liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage and a job after.
-- Gloria Steinem
Email to a friend You don't know a women till you've met her in court.
-- Norman Mailer
The lovely thing about being 40 is that you can appreciate 25 year old men more.
-- Colleen McCullough
My understanding of women goes only as far as the pleasures

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often.
-- Oliver Herford
At 38 years, I finally got me the woman that said those six words I wanted all my life to hear: 'My dad owns a liquor store.'
-- Mark Klein
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
-- Tim Allen
Why would I make one woman so miserable when I can make so many women very happy?
-- Benny Hill
I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'
-- Emo Philips

I love women. They're the best thing ever created. If they want to be like men and come down to our level, that's fine.
-- Mel Gibson
There are worse occupations in this world than feeling a woman's pulse.
-- Laurence Sterne
I wonder why it is, that young men are always cautioned against bad girls. Anyone can handle a bad girl. It's the good girls men should be warned against.
-- David Niven (The Moon is Blue, 1953)
Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone.
-- Lenny Bruce
One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.
-- Edgar Watson Howe
I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls.
-- Groucho Marx
From birth to 18 a girl needs good parents; from 18 to 35, she needs good looks. From 35 to 55, good personality. From 55 on, she needs good cash. I'm saving my money.
-- Sophie Tucker
When women go wrong, men go right after them.
-- Mae West
There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn't stand for that.
-- Steve Martin

My wife is going to kill me. But you look like my wife, so that's Ok!
-- Jay Leno (as he had his arms around Curvaceous cook Nigella Lawson)
Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both.
-- Samuel Butler
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
-- Charlotte Whitton (quoted in Canada Monthly, Jun 1963)
Women are like Elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
-- W.C. Fields (Mississippi, 1935)

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.
-- Lewis Grizzard
My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.
-- Les Dawson
A woman knows she's wearing the right dress, when her man wants to take it off.
-- Robert Paul
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
-- W.C. Fields
A girl phoned me the other day and said ... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
In politics, if you want anything said ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.
-- Margaret Thatcher
Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise them.
-- Dick Van Dyke